How the Guinea Got his Spots and the virtues thereof…
The Guinea Fowl - it used to be a beautiful blue; a captivating, bright, easily visible blue.
One day, Sis Cow was out grazing in the fields, when all the Guineas came up to scratch and peck and sun themselves. They chat up a bit, getting along just fine, but Sis Cow had a notion that something was up; sure enough, she looks over and there stands a lion. The Guineas start to lose their shit but notice Sis Cow ain’t scared none, so they get their wits about them and gather up under Sis Cow.
Ole Lion, he starts creeping towards them; but one of the Guineas, a wily one at that, figured a plan. Just as Ole Lion got closer, the Guinea runs out twixt Sis Cow’s legs, does a 180 faster than a meth addict carrying a stolen television to the pawn shop; and kicks a load of dust right up in Ole Lion’s eye. Before Ole Lion could shake the dust out, another Guinea comes and does the same, and another, and another, until Ole Lion’s eyes are more fucked up than waking up at 3am in jail hearing someone yell “I gotta shit,” and a man response “shit around it.” Ole Lion couldn’t see for shit, so he knew he was in trouble.
So Ole Lion, more blind than a cross-eyed cave salamander with a crack rock habit on check cashing day; lunges towards them with his claws extended and his teeth flashing…and Sis Cow shoves her horn right through him, tearing his guts out.
The Guineas were relieved, and Sis Cow was grateful for their help and wished to repay them. Sis Cow asked them what they wished for most in the whole world. The Guineas asked if she could make it so they aren’t so easily seen.
Sis Cow told the Guineas to go fetch a pale; which they did; and Sis Cow filled it with milk. Dipping her tail in the milk, she sprinkled the Guineas and sang her charm…..”Oh Blue, go away, you can’t stay; O Guinea, turn grey, turn grey.”
Sis Cow set the Guineas in the Sun to dry, and they’ve been grey and spotted and camouflaged every since, and that’s why so many get hit by cars.
Guinea feathers are good for invisibility and passing unnoticed and make a good charm for thieves, drug dealers, and anyone else who needs to pass unseen. Their feet are used to blind enemies.
