The Mystery of the Chicken
Chief Rooster
The Biggest Cock that ever was…
ENTER THE CHICKEN
The Animals had come down from the Sky; the Earth had been brought up from the waters; the Buzzard had swooped down and found the land still wet, shaping valleys with the tip of it’s wings; but there wasn’t enough land yet for all of the spirits to arrive. Thus, the Biggest Cock ever was placed upon the Earth, and he kicked and scratched until the earth was covered in land. This was the first of the Chicken People to come to the Earth. It’s also where the Chief Rooster became the biggest cock in another way…
Rooster was mighty proud of himself, considering himself a big man for scattering all the land. He would always walk around proud with his head high, as if he owned every piece of it, just because he kicked some here and there. He would always brag to the hens, trying to snatch some of that fine hen tail feather, every chance he got. He didn’t have much time for serious matters; he’s too busy dickin’ off at the hen house.
THE SACRIFICIAL BIRD
Bre’r Rabbit came with a message to Chief Rooster about a council meeting of the Animals (ANIMA-EL’s) and summoned Chief Rooster to attend. Rooster was too busy trying to bang Becky Hen’s boom box, and told Bre’r Rabbit, “Y’all just go on ahead, whatever you decide; I’m agreeable.”
Chief Rooster didn’t have much time for responsible matters; he was too busy knockin’ hen tail and bragging about all the land he scattered. His pride and ego fuck’d him good though, because the council meeting was to pick who the sacrificial animal would be. Good thing Chief Rooster’s always plowing hen tail, so has plenty of chickens to go around. This is why the chicken is the sacrificial bird.
WHY THE ROOSTER CAN SEE THE FUTURE
When Jesus told Peter his Fate - his denial - would come before the cock crowed thrice, this put the Fate of precognition upon the Rooster. This was a special gift to the Rooster, because a rooster was the first to proclaim the birth of Christ. Rooster didn’t mind, as he loved touting other people’s fuck ups. He writes the prophecies in the dirt, seed, and gravel he scatters and declares his oracle - COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! “Rooster has drawn sign".” Just as the light of the Sun sees all on the face of the earth…, the rooster, a solar animal, can be made to do the same.
CHICKEN CONJURATIONS
(GENERAL DISCLAIMER: I do not necessarily recommend the practices I am describing below; they are illegal in most places. I’m just sharing folklore)
BLACK ROOSTER - TO DAMAGE A PERSON’S VOICE
On a Saturday at midnight, one must capture a black rooster by the head, holding it’s mouth closed so it can’t speak. The name of the person to be conjured is whispered to the rooster thus “John Doe, son of Mary Noname” nine times, and the rooster’s head pulled off. The Body is left to run, and left where it falls. The head itself must be dried, powdered, and fed to the person being conjured. 10/10 do not recommend.
RED ROOSTER- TO DRAW FEMALE ATTENTION
The spurs, heart, tongue, and blood from the wood tips of a red rooster are dried, powdered, mixed with your own semen, and kept in red flannel near your genitals.
BLACK HEN SHIT
Catch a black hen, and keep it by itself in a cage until you can collect a suitable amount of black hen dookie. This is dried and added to crossing powders
BLACK HEN GIZZARD STONE
A pebble from the gizzard of a black hen can be used in any rituals of black magic.
BLACK HEN INTESTINES
The intestines of a black hen can be dried, powdered, and sprinkled where it will come in contact with a person to cause gastrointestinal distress.
BLACK HEN FEET TO CRIPPLE AN UNBORN CHILD
A black hen’s feet, freshly obtained and named after the pregnant woman and her baby; are laid crossways - foot to “knee”; “knee” to foot; and bound with rusted barbed wire. This is placed in an iron pot with a lid, with 3 dead toads or frogs who met their demise on the road. This is buried in the pregnant woman’s yard, hidden under her house; anywhere close as possible.
WHITE ROOSTER TONGUE
A white rooster tongue, named after a person, and kept in a small bottle of whiskey with devil’s shoestring, lavender, and comfrey; will make the person speak honestly with you.
