John, known as Big Sixteen
Another tale about….
the Devil minding his own business, and people fucking with him.
Honor and Respect to the powerful spirit of John Big Sixteen. Ase’O
Back during slavery times, there was a slave named John who was so big, they called him Big Sixteen. This John isn’t High John, that’s another John, though similar. Lots of different Johns down in Johnville…back to John Big Sixteen; hereafter referred to as Big Sixteen…
One day, the Plantation Master asked Big Sixteen to go catch a particularly large and ferocious wild hog that had been fucking shit up six ways from Sunday since Granny Middleton went home to Jesus. The Plantation Master figured Big Sixteen would probably get tore up, and liked the idea of putting a little humility in Big Sixteen’s heart, as he wasn’t easily broken, and was known as being bull-headed. Big Sixteen caught the hog, and brought it back alive, fucking the Plantation Master out of fun. So, Mr. Plantation Master had another idea…send Big Sixteen to get the Devil; after they killed and butchered the big, of course.
Plantation Master asked “Big Sixteen, do you think you can get the Devil?’
Big Sixteen replied “Yes, I think so”
Plantation Master asked him to go fetch the Devil, and off Big Sixteen went, dragging his big ass hammer and big ass shovel behind him a small piece out in front of the big house and commences to dig.
Big Sixteen made it down into Hell and went straight up to the Devil’s house and knocked on the door. Mrs. Devil answered.
Mrs Devil - “Can I help you?”
Big Sixteen - “Yes ma’am, is this the Devil’s house?”
Mrs. Devil - “Sho’nuff is”
Big Sixteen - “Can I speak to him a moment?”
Mrs. Devil - “Sho’nuff can; I’ll go fetch him.”
Big Sixteen hid beside the door, and when the Devil showed up and yelled Hello; Big Sixteen hit him right in his big ass five-head with his big ass m’fing hammer. The Devil dropped two turds, and fell over deader than a true believing Pentecostal woman in the bedroom. Big Sixteen dragged the Devil up out of that hole over his shoulders, and plopped him down outside the Plantation Master’s door; when the Plantation Master saw it; it scared him so bad his pecker turned inside out and his tonsils started sweating apple sauce.
“Throw it back, throw it back,” yelled the Plantation Owner, and Big Sixteen obliged, filling the hole it after.
Not long after all this adventure, Big Sixteen took down with the miseries and died. Folks figured it was from being overworked with all the hog and devil business. Suffice to say, Big Sixteen went to Hell.
Problem was, when he got there, the devil children started screaming for their Mama, telling her the man who killed their daddy was there. Sorry, Big Sixteen, can’t stay here; go home to Jesus.
Big Sixteen gets up to heaven, knocks on the gate; damnedest thing - “Go away, you can’t come here” echoes out like the Wizard of Oz head. With nothing left to do, Big Sixteen shot down to earth in the form of a ball of fire; and travels the world ever since. The moral of the story? Tell you wife if someone asks for you at the door, tell them you ain’t home.
I honor the Mystery of the Spirit of Big Sixteen. Please leave out a candle, some water, and bread and butter for him.
This story contains many hidden mysteries for those who have eyes to read it.
John 16:16, KJV: "A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me, because I go to the Father." (John, who is “Big Sixteen” - Big Mama code, for the initiated)
